This is something that is tough for me to write about…
My best friend passed away last July…. I say best friend because the word Grandma doesn’t cut it….. she wasn’t my grandma… she was my role model. My life coach. My best friend. She taught me unconditional love. She showed me how not to judge others and how to make the right decisions for myself and my own happiness regardless of what anyone else thought.
When I moved into my first apartment and was struggling financially… I went over to see her. I never asked her for anything but she must have read the stress on my face. She literally grabbed two brown paper bags and opened up her cabinets and started giving me almost everything inside … when I protested that she didn’t have to do that and that I was fine she answered..
“if I didn’t have it to give I wouldn’t give it to you .. Don’t worry, I’ll buy more.”
She then went to her linen closet and started adding toilet paper and face towels to the bag.. asking me if i needed face wash or a vacuum . i kept asking her to stop… and to that she replied the same way she did the first time…
“if I didn’t have it to give, I wouldn’t give it to you”
I lied and told her i had things that I didn’t have just to get her to stop..
I know that even if she didn’t have it to give.. she would have given me everything in her cabinets anyways… That’s just how she was…
She always told me that as long as I was helping myself she would help me too - and during some of the hardest times of my life - she did.
Sometimes i still walk down stairs expecting her to be there to go through my wardrobe list in the morning:
”- Ok - Turn around- Let me see you.”
”- Do you have earrings in both ears - check the backs to make sure they’re not loose!”
”- Did you put your fufu (perfume) on? ” Followed by “Come here let me smell you -Ohhhh what is that?? I’ve got to get me some of that one!!” - No matter what it was :)
”- Zip your purse up!” (i have a habit of leaving it open)
- Kisses and then “You look Beautiful, have a good day!”
Every day like clockwork. … and every day like clockwork I still go through my mental checklist… and very often I hear her throughout the day reminding me to zip up my purse!
There is just so many memories that I will always treasure…
Being little and sleeping with her in her bed when I had bad dreams.
Her inspecting my teeth with a flashlight and checking for plaque with her fingernails when i was little to make sure I brushed them good! - And then giving me a dollar if I did!
Us both falling asleep - Me sitting on the arm of her arm chair with my head on her shoulder and her head on my head - Just last year…
She was such a pure person… She was full of so much love for everyone..There aren’t very many people out there that are that selfless… that capable of unconditional love …
My Grandma, My best friend… My role Model was so special…
Every day i try to do something that she would be proud of.
I know there’s nothing i can do to change the fact that shes gone… but what I can do is continue to try to be more like her every day… Give other people the gifts she has given me and continue passing her love forward.
And I plan on doing just that. <3